My date and I were at Mellow Mushroom. You can’t go wrong with pizza. I know it’s not very Bunny like. But a girl can’t live on carrots alone. The date was a little strained. Not much of a spark. I had told my girlfriend to check in on me. I wasn’t able to pick up my phone. So she knew it was time to make an unscheduled yet scheduled drop in. What I didn’t expect was that she brought two hot military men in tow behind her.
They ended up joining us. As we began conversation one of the hottie military men and I hit it off. Let me give y’all a description of the scrumptious-ness: 6’3, built like a brick house, green eyes, shaved head, with tattoos. Yes, he was exactly my type.
We exchanged numbers and then we dated for 6 months. Cocktail parties, dinners, he knew how to spoil this Bunny. Everything most girls dream of.
He had met my family. So it was time for me to reciprocate and meet his. His father had unfortunately passed away. So his mother and brother were very important to him. His mother lived in Orlando. So we planned a weekend there. We’d spend quality time with his family and go to Disney World! Come on who doesn’t love Mickey and the Dumbo ride.
We stayed in his mother’s home. He and I stayed together in the back bedroom. I was a little shy. I wanted to make a good impression with his mother. He said to loosen up, his mother loved me.
It’s the evening, we are in bed, hands start wandering, y’all know what happens next. I’m still being a little shy. Everything didn’t quite go smoothly. We had some technical difficulties with getting the genie in the lamp. It was an extremely tight fit. He was very well endowed. I didn’t feel the magic his genie was providing. Maybe I should have rubbed the lamp a little more, I don’t know.
He said we’ll give it another go in the morning. He didn’t want to wear me out. He falls asleep. I roll out of bed gently so I don’t wake him. I grab my phone out of my purse. I look for a quiet place to talk. The only place that is large enough to talk and has a door is the walk in closet. I shut myself in there, it was a whole new world. Apparently it was where his mother stored her extra clothes. A lot of them.
You think I’d be texting my girls. So I could tell them about the details. But instead I’m calling my Mom at 3am. Because I’ve got important information to tell her. She picks up and I tell her the news. I’m officially a woman! The cherry has been POPPED! The cherry is no more. She laughs and replies with, “Couldn’t this have waited a few hours until I had my coffee?”
So I proceed to tell her all about the experience. She acts as if it’s the best news she has heard all day. When I look back on it I’m sure that’s not what she wanted to hear from her daughter at 3 am. But Mom took it like a trooper.
As Madonna sings so very well, “Like a virgin, touched for the very first time.”