It was my girlfriend’s birthday. She wanted to keep it low-key. So three of us met for wine bar happy hour. We were chatting, drinking, and having a good time.
I decided that I didn’t want to go home alone that night. In a little while my girlfriend’s fiancée was going to pick her up and the other one had an event to go to. I needed to find a quick and easy man. I started to scroll thru different dating sites…
I then gave over my phone to one of my girlfriend’s. We always had fun scrolling thru the profiles while drinking. We had to take a drink if they didn’t meet the following criteria correct: sign, height, children, and religion. The four basics. So we’re scrolling and laughing. She picks out a few and sends them suggestive messages for the evening.
Whoever bites at the carrot first, gets Bunny.
Her fiancée picks her up, but before she leaves she gives me homework. Go to a bar alone, order a drink, sit with leg and a little cleavage showing, smile, and be open to new possibilities. AKA don’t scare any potential catches away, think like bait and you’ll reel something in. She made it sound so easy, didn’t she?
I stay and finish the rest of my bottle. I’m walking to my car, when I run into my other friend. She suggested let’s grab dinner. Food is always a yay!
We head to a popular spot and order drunk food. I have been texting with a guy from one of the dating sites. I tell him that my phone is about to die. But I’m eating with a girlfriend. After we’re finished we can meet up.
Next location, is a new trendy lounge with a speak easy vibe. But it’s below the street level, so not great signal in there. I never told him where I was going. But due to the dating sites pinging your location now anyone can find you. I didn’t give him my real name. I gave him my screen name, Angel.
My girl and I are ordering drinks at a booth. My phone is at three percent and dying. My back is to the door. When my friends eyes get huge. She says, show me a pic of the guy you’ve been talking to. I show her the pic. Her eyes get bigger.
Oh fuck, he’s here.
He looks nothing like his picture. But he’s circling the bar like a vulture. Then he looks at his phone. He walks some more and stares at our booth. He works up the courage and comes over to the table. I’ve been trying to avoid eye contact. I haven’t been answering my phone.
He slides over and stops to ask, “Hey, Angel?”
I straighten up, look him right in the eyes, and reply “I’m so sorry but I’m Bunny.” I look at my girlfriend she’s got deer in headlights look on her face. Fuck! I need her to go with this. She better suck it up.
He leaves. My girlfriend says why did you do that? We could have gotten free drinks out of him. I told her I wasn’t in the mood to deal with drunken overweight liars tonight.
We decide to change locations to one of our favorite spots and I can even charge my phone! While charging, I check my messages. He has texted me, “Angel? Bunny?” I of course don’t reply because my phone is “dead”.
Just my luck I run into him again, fucking hell and this bar had better lighting. Shit and fuck. He’s looking down at his phone and over at me. He starts to walk over…
But then a light appears with a wafting smell of espresso, one my favorite elixir of life baristas walks into the bar. He comes straight over to me, says “Hi Bunny” we start to chat. Message guy is still standing behind, I can tell he’s second guessing himself.
Message guy then came up to the bar, ordered a shot, and walked out. Thank fucking goodness.
The moral of the story: The elixir of life is always a savior