I’ve decided to rock my fairy hair. Fuck everyone else. This is me. I’m living in a magical fairy land. Maybe hot pink Manolos will be free for fairies. You never know.
But I’m still hoping and hopping. Hope and hop with me my beloved readers. Manolos for fairies!
If you don’t already know, I’m part Greek. This means two Easters! The Easter Bunny and I are besties. He got me a new semi transparent purple Dolce & Gabbana bag from the spring line for first Easter. And second Easter, he got me Christian Louboutin choca floral snake heels. A little rocker, a bit fairy, yet still Bunny.
I’m feeling good and looking good. I feel like I’m flying into work on my magical rainbow. My beautiful heels are leaving a glitter trail of happiness. And to top it off, my baristas had my drink ready for me. Then they told me it was on the house. My day is going strong.
I’m walking past the front desk looking fabulous. I’m feeling fabulous. I greet our receptionist. I grab mail and messages. I can tell she wants to say something.
Inner Monologue Moment: She’s going to tell me how fabulous I look. Ask me about my new bag. Because it’s gorgeous too.
So I ask, “Is there anything I need to know before I head back?” She says, “Oh honey, are you ok?” Grrrrrrr…… Instant gloom and doom feeling. I put on my fake smile and respond with, “I’m wonderful. It’s been a fabulous morning. I’m walking on glitter.”
Inner Monologue Moment: What is up with people? You can tell I’m happy. And you just doused cold gas station coffee on my happy mood. What the fuck?
Before I get to my office, I start to feel there’s a note on my back. Or there’s a memo I don’t know about. Because four people ask me if I’m okay.
Inner Monologue Moment: What is going on? Did I miss something? Did someone die? Maybe their baristas didn’t have their coffee ready for them? Who knows.
I find safety in my office. I put my bag in its basket (yes, my bag gets its own personal space it deserves it). I start getting into it. Then a head pops in. She stares seriously for a moment and then follows up with, “If you want to talk about anything my office is right down the hall.” I reply, “I’m fine” in an irritated tone.
Two hours go by, I’m enjoying my bunless but loaded burger with wings and fries at my desk. Yes, it’s my cheat day. Go big or go home. When out of the corner of my eye, I notice there’s someone standing in front of my desk. And before they can say anything I snap.
I tell her, “Don’t ask if I’m ok. If anything is wrong, or if I need to talk I’ll let you know. But I feel fucking fabulous. Because it’s fucking Friday. Anything else I can help you with?” All of this is in resting bitch face. She gives the deer in headlights look.
She says timidly, “Can I borrow your stapler?” I don’t reply I just hand over the stapler.
Inner Monologue Moment: Well damn. But she didn’t come in for staples! I still feel bad for the intern. Ugh, but all interns do are run their mouths. Shit. The whole office is going to know about my mini stapler breakdown now. Fuck my life.
Twenty minutes later, my partner in crime colleague/RBF(aka resting bitch face) sister steps into my office and closes the door. I just look at her and say, “Give it to me straight.”
She told me the intern came and interrupted her lunch while she was eating. Then asked her if she was on lunch.
Colleague’s mini rant to intern: If the food in my mouth wasn’t a dead giveaway, I can’t help you.
She responded with, “what can I help you with?” The intern replies, “I feel like something is off with Bunny today? Is there anything I can do? Do you think she needs an emergency elixir of life run?”
My colleague responded to the intern with, “It’s called resting bitch face. That is her face. There’s nothing wrong. It’s just work mode. She’s fine, no emergency elixir run needed. But if you’re offering to go I could always use a almond croissant & double espresso.” The intern said ok and scurried off to the break room.
In the midst of our conversation the boss walks in. Oh shit. I don’t think my fairy glitter heels can take anymore. I looked him straight in the face and said, “What? What do you need?”
He’s silent for a moment. Then says in a timid voice, “Nothing. Just checking on my energizer bunny & lioness.” We respond, “Don’t need anything. We’re fine.” With strained smiles and higher then normal pitch voices. He leaves.
We turn to each other and say, “Early happy hour.” Cinco de Mayo margarita taste testing begins today.
Advice: Tequila is a sneaky BITCH