As children we are taught to be giving to and with others. This trait continues thru adolescence and adulthood. We are suppose to be gracious and share with others. It’s just plain ole good manners. But as always there are exceptions to every rule.
My bestie was coming to town to visit. I’ve known her since middle school. We lived a block away from each other growing up. The two of us are extremely close. Excitement is an understatement. I was ecstatic to see her! It had been four years since we’d seen each other in person. Bestie is a single mom. She was in town to give her relatives time with her little one. So she was free for a girls night while the relatives were her free sitter.
The night was ROCKIN! It was almost like a class reunion. We saw so many people we knew. The girls and I looked HOT! If I do say so myself. It was just a bangin evening! We ended up at a well known bar with pool tables, bars indoor and outdoors, and a plethora of college students.
A guy who I had been seeing casually joined us at the college bar. Before I had a chance to formally introduce him to my bestie, she saw him and locked eyes on him like a heat seeking missile. She says, “Who’s this grade A meat walking towards me?” He came up behind me. She’s looking him up and down, undressing him with her eyes. That’s when I introduce him to my Pilot (refer to Get your streak on).
At this point, one would think that little red caution flags are popping up in her horny mind. But nope. The hormones and pheromones have taken over. The train is going full speed ahead. Like the train at the end of the movie, “Speed”. It’s non stop, I can’t stop it. Just like poor Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. I’ve got to hold on to my Pilot and wait for impact.
She cuts in between Pilot and I. She’s chit chatting all flirtatiously with him. All the girls are giving me looks and looking at her. Then one of the girls says she needs her bathroom buddy. She grabs besties hand and we head to the most sacred place to women, the bathroom. It is like holy ground to women everywhere and yes we need a partner to enter that holy space.
One of my girlfriends took my bestie aside and told her to respectfully take a step back. That basically Pilot had already been claimed. We will find her someone else to play with.
Bestie turns to me and acts as if she’s heard nothing that my other friend has said. She tells me, “You can loan him to me for the night. It’s not like you guys are serious. You said it was casual. What are friends for? Friends share. Be a good friend. Let’s share.”
Inner monologue moment: Firstly take a deep breath. Because going off on your bestie in a bathroom filled with your girls probably isn’t the smartest thing to do. Yep, breathing. STILL breathing. FUCK BREATHING! WHAT THE FUCK!? Am I living in an alternate reality? And in this reality friends literally FUCK friends over. Because that’s what it feels like. This is complete and utter BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT!! And honestly I haven’t had enough alcohol to cope with it.
I tell her that she needs to step off. She takes a few moments to herself. Then tells me she understands and fixes her hair. Then she hands me her credit card, apologizes, and says to order a round of shots on her. I accept her apology and head to the bar for my much deserved alcohol. Because I was good and held my tongue. When I wanted to go all crazy bitch bunny on her ASS. But calm bunny prevailed AND was rewarded for it.
Hooray! Off to the bar I hop.
I come back to the table with her sitting on Pilot’s lap. She has one arm around him, whispering in his ear, and with half of her ass hanging out of the dress I bought her. Pilot looks at me with the deer in headlights. It’s the save me I didn’t do this look. Please get her off of me.
I stand there and gather myself. Then walk over to the table with shots, and slam them on the table.
She looks over and says, “Oh thanks for the shots. MY Pilot and I have been getting acquainted. We have so much in common!” Did she just say MY PILOT?!
OH FUCK NO, it’s on!
I look at her and ask, “Could you not find a chair?” I grabbed a chair from another table, dragging it behind me. There’s a fucking damn chair. She responded, “But MY Pilot is so much MORE comfortable.”
Inner monologue moment: Bestie is NO FUCKING longer bestie. She is now bitch bestie. Actually she doesn’t get the bestie anymore at all. She’s just a BITCH!
She said her feet were hurting her. Bitch proceeds put her legs across his lap, so her feet can rest. Pilot is shocked. He can’t believe what’s happening. She points out how great her legs look, and she works out really hard to keep them that way. Then she takes his arm that was hanging down and puts his hand on her bare leg. She glides his hand back and forth over her muscular legs.
My friends inform me later that it looked like I had steaming out of my ears. I turned multiple shades of red… ANGRY RED!
I turned and went back to the bar.
I proceeded to order a round of shots for anyone and everyone at the bar on her credit card. I ordered myself a drink, and then a shot for all of the my girls but her. I left her card at the bar with the bartender with an open tab. There’s no need to make a scene. When she gets her credit card statement that’ll be payment enough.
I give all the girls their drinks. I turn to bitch and say, “I’d like to say it was great hanging out with you. But it’s not. My pilot and I are heading home now.” She makes a scene. Really?! Yells and calls me a bitch! Saying that she was just having a little fun. That she’ll return him in the morning.
Pilot hears this, his eyes get saucer huge. He says to the bitch, “I never agreed to anything with you. Bunny and I will be leaving with out you.” We are walking out the door. She grabs my dress and pulls me to the side and tells me that this party is for HER and we aren’t allowed to leave until she’s ready to go.
My Pilot puts me behind him. He gets chest to chest with her. He looks down his nose at her and says, “You’re acting like a spoiled child and making a fool of yourself. I can’t imagine how you have friends who want to hang out with you the way you’re acting. You’re an adult and a mother act like one. Your child would be ashamed of your behavior. I’m embarrassed for you. You don’t have the right to steal other people’s boyfriends.”
He takes my hand, we turn around and walk off. When we got home, let’s just say the evening was immensely more pleasurable without the bitch.
Number 10 definition of bitch from urban dictionary: A bitch is just a bully in a skirt. Like any bully, she won’t lay off until you stand up to her. Like any classic bully, she thinks she’s tough until her victim fights back. When a victim successfully fights back, the classy bully’s demeanor turns from wannabe tough to whiny crybaby. i.e. – a classic bitch AND we’ve come full circle.