*Shake* your head moments

The Hook Up 


I decided to do a little shopping after work. Knowing I had to haul ass to meet my girls for dinner downtown.

I thought a new outfit would brighten my day. I mean after all ladies, when doesn’t a new ensemble make the world a better place? So, I’ve made my purchase and like all women do, I multitask.

I’m driving, changing into my new outfit, changing the radio station, and texting my girlfriends. During this blissful moment in my car, I’m hearing the following background noise: text tone of my friends asking me where the hell am I, how long are you going to be, etc.

Everything is going well…

Then, blue lights appear in my review mirror. I think, OH SHIT. I’m so going to be late.

I pull over, the officer gets out of his vehicle and slowly walks up. I roll my tinted windows down just enough so he can see my face. I ask, “officer, is there a problem?” He asks me to please roll down my window entirely. I proceed to whine, and ask him if that’s really necessary? Because I’m not thinking like a cop and he’s probably assuming I’ve got contraband in my little car.

But I concede and roll down my entire window.

The officer now understands why I was hesitant to roll down my window. He is greeted with a very unique situation.

While multitasking in my car I have managed to get my arm stuck. Now, the type of stuck I’m referring to is a “chicken wing” issue. My arm is stuck almost in my armpit. My tank is below my boob, which thankfully is covered by a lacy bra (thank goodness I wore a cute bra today). The hook on my bra strap has attached to the fabric on my tank. I can NOT move my arm!

I can’t even begin to imagine what this officer is thinking. Other than, mama did not warn me about days like this. While he’s staring at me my phone continues to ring in the background, because my friends are wondering where the hell I am.

I proceed to ask the officer in a happy tone why he pulled me over?

He informs me that I swerved over into his lane multiple times. If only he knew about the multitasking that was happening in my car he would have understood the swerving.

But since men don’t multitask, I didn’t bother to go that route.

I decide to attempt to explain my precarious situation. He takes one step back from my car with his hands up. Like he’s afraid he’ll be blamed for this situation. He says “its ok ma’am, take a deep breath.

So, he decides to give me a warning and send me on my merry way. I don’t think there’s a rule in the SCMPD manual for a situation like this.

He begins to walk away, I politely tell him, “excuse me, I’m still stuck.”

I tell him all I need him to do is unhook my bra from my tank. But in order for him to accomplish this task he has to lean all the way into the car with my half exposed chest! So, he leans in and unhooks me. Now, keep in mind that the police cruisers have cameras recording this stop. I so wouldn’t want to be him when they go thru that footage.

But if that isn’t what it means to “protect & serve” than I don’t know what does.

The moral of the story: Victoria’s Secret was not so secret that day.

© southerngabunny

28 thoughts on “The Hook Up 

  1. The SCMPD should have a manual for such occasions to help them respond. Section 3, Paragraph 2. Unhook ladies bra. Extricate oneself from car and try not to grin. Bid citizen to have a nice day. Tell onlookers to move along, nothing to see here. 😛

    Liked by 2 people

          1. It’s a work of art. I shamelessly use my skills for evil most of the time and get reduced contractor rates, better service etc. “I am so sorry, Officer. I had no idea that this car (piece of shit) could go so fast”. Blue eyes beginning to tear slightly…

            Liked by 1 person

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