Oh no, not you again

My beloved city with its cobblestone streets, lovely parks, historic buildings, people who say y’all, and where sweet tea is in abundance. What more could a girl ask for?

I LOVE my town, humble abode, place where I rest my head, or whatever cute/lovey dovey phrase you associate with home. But there are those days, when my city feels like it shrinking. Days when my beloved city is TOO fucking small. Because you run into people you hope that with in a city of thousands you’ll NEVER run into again.

But fate is a fickle bitch. There are some days when I want to smack that bitch.

This escapade is one of those I want to bitch slap fate days.

I was out with my girls at our favorite beer & cider bar. We got a table, we were waiting for FOMG (refer to I should have had more alcohol for explanation of acronym). She is at the bar. FOMG told us about a guy she met the evening before, and thought he was great potential and she wanted us to meet him. The gentleman arrives. I didn’t get a good look, he went to the bar to get a drink. He comes over, she makes introductions. I don’t believe what I’m seeing. I nod my head as she introduces me, and give a forced fake smile.

Background information: This gentleman is a past FUCK buddy NOT a friends with benefits. There was NO dinner, conversation, all of that was unnecessary. We would see each other at a social event here and there. After the event I would follow him to his house, sit on his BIG dick, enjoy the great sex, then I went home. This was the extent of our social and personal interaction with one another.

FOMG automatically noticed my response. She gave me the look. Then she texted me and asked, “Are you ok?” I replied,“I know him.” Her back instantly gets super straight and she starts to be short with her answers toward him. The vibe at the table is NO longer a happy one. It’s awkward and a bit cold. He is oblivious to the mood of the table.

One man surrounded by four women…

She then texted,“Is this a girl code moment?” I respond, “Yes.”

To all of my male readers: Girl code is pretty much the same as guy code. NO RECYCLING. It might be good for the earth but it’s not good for friends.

FOMG starts to get snippy and then points to me. She says, “Are you sure you’ve never met her before?” This is where dumbass should have cut and run. But instead he looked at me and then replied, “Have we met?” 

Inner monologue moment: HAVE WE MET? HAVE WE MET? Shit just got real. I’ve a fucking rug burn scar on my left knee because of you banging me across your living room floor AND I’ll never forget that dick.

She gets pissed and leaves the table, he follows her. They have a legit couple fight, and they weren’t even a couple. The girls look at me, I look at them. One of them says you just opened up a can of worms. I mean I could have waited, but I thought she should know.

They come back. She informs us he’ll be leaving. He comes back looks at me and asks me the same question, “Have we met?” Both of the other girls are looking at their drinks and phones. They are trying to avoid the awkwardness. But that shit had gone viral. No one could escape it. So I decided to respond to his idiotic question. I start spouting off facts and examples of our fuck buddy time together.

His posture gets straighter and straighter. He is still claiming he doesn’t know me. I then told him about his home and a description of his girlfriend. He started to give me the EVIL EYE. If looks could kill as they say. By the way he told FOMG, that he NEVER lived in my beloved city. Whoops, get your facts straight dumbass.

FOMG then tells him he is NO LONGER welcome at our table. She also reminds him to pay his tab with ALL of our drinks on it. Karma anyone?

A few of the girls left, it was just three of us so we head to a new bar. FOMG isn’t getting enough attention. She isn’t getting enough free drinks for her liking even though she was already sloshed. So girl code went out the window. She texted him and asked where he was. My girlfriend and I were concerned about FOMG getting to her destination without getting run over by a car. So we were good friends and walked with her.

She was dancing through the market. She squeals when she sees him and jumps him. At this point I’m ready to call it a night. I just want to make sure the idiot has got a handle on her. He staring me down the entire time. His look said, I wish she was burned, stabbed, shot, hung, poisoned, asphyxiated and all of the many other methods to kill a human being. I stood with my arms crossed and my shoulders back. I didn’t do anything wrong, I told the truth. He’s the one who lied.

Quote from Bunny: “I don’t love you for your personality, but that dick sure was a BONUS.”

©southerngabunny