Slip n slide

It’s the middle of the work week. I’m at home after work, in my pjs. I’m relaxing, drinking a glass of wine and reading a book. Just chilling with Teddy. It’s a good evening, a lazy evening. We are all entitled to a little laziness.

I look at my phone one of my guy friends is texting me. Basically saying for me to get my ass out of bed and come party. He wants me to come out and meet him at our favorite bar. He says he needs his “wing woman”. Yes, that would be me. I’m an awesome friend. When we go out he generally goes home with a girl. I told him I’m drinking wine and reading. His wing woman will not be making an appearance tonight. He proceeded to tell me to stop being old and to get my ass out of bed!

I took a deep breath. Put down my wine glass and looked at Teddy in a quiet slumber next to me. I thought okay, a little fun wouldn’t kill me. Ugh! But now I have to change out of my pjs. 


If only pjs were acceptable bar clothing. I need to have my own bar in my house. That way I can wear my pjs to it.

I show up, the bar is DEAD. I look and see him. Not like it was difficult to find him. There were only six other people in the bar excluding bartender and wait staff.

I notice there is a man sitting next to him. But I don’t pay any attention to him. I walk up to my friend. I begrudgingly say hi. He asks me what’s wrong? I inform him, I thought the bar was BUSY. Where are the people? There are no men around to buy my drinks. This is a problem. He tells me to sit down and relax.

He then introduces me to the man sitting next to him. He is a friend, a good friend that he’s known for years that is in town for a few days. Light bulb goes off in my head. 

This is a setup, ugh… 

His friend tells me to sit down and asks what I’d like to drink? He says I need to catch up to them.

Here’s a description of the friend: 6’5, broad shoulders, baby face, plaid shirt (it looked like he was wearing a tablecloth), floppy Justin Bieber hair, bragging about how much money he makes, and acting like a 21 year old frat boy (for the rest of this post I will be referring to this gentleman as Mr. Plaid).

Mr. Plaid is very tipsy. He’s touchy feely, and all in my bubble space. He told me that I needed to loosen up. Then bought more shots. They did not help his frat boy personality.

My actual guy friend says it’s time to wrap up. He prefers to drink at home, no drinking and driving. We all head back to his place. He makes us all drinks. Mr. Plaid is still being an ASS. Saying how I’m a awesome gal, and that I should come visit him. Then he informed me that he couldn’t wait to get me between the sheets.


We all go and sit down on the sofa. My friend is playing on his cell phone. I decide to get his attention. So I straddle/sit on his annoying friend. My friend seems a little taken back. Nothing like a good tease to put Mr. Plaid in his place. My hands are gently caressing his chest. My friend is watching closely at this point. He then blurts out “you have really great breasts.” Mr. Plaid nods, then pulls down my top to expose my breasts for view. He’s fondling my breasts as I’m talking. Before I know it, my friend has disappeared to his room and I’ve been relieved of my top and bra. Mr. Plaid is enjoying more than just the view of my breasts now he’s exploring the girls.

So, I’m feeling a little aroused. I decided to try him out. We start to make out. I will say that man his an excellent kisser. My lady parts downstairs are feeling it. Then he starts to moan… I’ve never encountered a man who moans, like a girl. It was a little strange.

My wits are coming back to me. I think sleeping with someone I just met, who I’m really not interested in not a good idea.

I put our session to a halt. He’s ready to get things started right there on the sofa. I get up, and tell him I need to use the restroom. I walk around the sofa, grab my top and bra off the floor. Then walk straight into my friends room and lock the door.

There’s a bathroom in his room…

My friend is still awake. He asks me what I’m doing? I told him I’m going to the bathroom. But I’m not going back to the sofa. He told me okay, and said he had already put out a tshirt for me. What are friends for?

One thing leads to another, we start to go at it. I’m a little too tipsy for the lady parts to be a slip and slide. We need a little assistance. He informs me that everything is in the spare bedroom. In order to get to it, I’ll have to go by the sofa. 


I get up in my tshirt with no panties, open the door quietly. I peek into the living room. I hear what sounds like a drunken bear sleeping in a den, if bears could get drunk that’s what I imagine the sound is like.

The wannabe frat boy with Justin Bieber hair aka Mr. Plaid is fast asleep on the sofa. Well half on, half off the sofa. In his drunken stupor he started to fall off.

Back in the spare bedroom. I discover my friends dungeon drawer. There’s a wide variety of accessories for fun in the dungeon drawer. I was a little surprised, I didn’t take him for the tie me up and tie me down type. Who knew? 

We do the deed. Next morning rolls around, I’m up to get dressed for work. I’m sleep deprived but in all the right ways.

I receive a text from the man on the sofa. Yep from the sofa. I poke my head out to talk to him. He asks what happened to me last night? I told him that when I came back from the bathroom he was fast asleep and there was no room on the sofa for little me. 

So, I grabbed a tshirt and slept with my friend. Sofa guy actually bought it.  I guess my innocent act does work sometimes.

Tip: Good friends give you shirts that cover your ASS


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