On a holiday weekend, I did what every woman does… I hopped on the train. All aboard!
I agreed to meet a gentleman, whom I saw potential in for long-term dating. He was with a group of friends at WOB. He had an emotional weekend. So, he needed someone to listen. I listened while consuming alcohol. It’s a holiday weekend after all folks!
He devoured loaded tater tots. We drank many shots too as the night continued on.
I was texting one of my girl friends before I met the group of body builders. While I was drinking I continued to text her, chit chatting continued. I then decided that I needed to put all of my focus on him. So, I told her that I couldn’t talk anymore. I would text her later.
Everyone at the table is talking about body building, competitions, etc. My gentleman is venting about his life. I began to notice, that the bartender was being especially attentive. We were closing out. The bartender proceeded to hand me two Ubers. He said, something along the lines of be safe. I had only had one cider and two shots. I thought to myself he’s not going to have enough Ubers for everyone in this bar if he’s giving these out to the drunk and sober people!
I convince my male friend that he shouldn’t be alone this evening and that I should come home with him. We are now in his domain. He’s suddenly gotten shy. He’s offering me water!
So, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I strip down to nothing, sit down on the bed… I mean come on. What man is going to say no to a naked woman sitting on his bed?
(Please refer to the blog post titled: 7 minutes, if you’ve already read it you understand. If not you’ll find it enlightening.)
He comes in from the kitchen with the bottle of water. He sees me and makes a sudden stop. Well, the shyness is gone now. I tell him I’ll be his therapist for the evening. He replies with, “Who can talk when you’re sitting on my bed like that?”
I won’t go into detail, y’all can figure out what happened next. You’re adults 😉
We wake up the next morning. I tell him I’ve got a busy morning ahead of me. I find my clothes, get dressed and roll out.
I’m not in the mood to go home just yet. I google the establishment that makes the elixir of life, AKA Starbucks. I’m now enjoying my tasty beverage, thank goodness for Google.
I realize that I’m in the vicinity of a gentleman whom things did not end well with. But I decide in this mood of frivolity that I’m in, why not stop by his place of business. It couldn’t hurt. I mean, the worst he can say is no, right?
The business has just opened, I walk around the store. I’m trying to avoid him now. I’ve begun to lose my nerve.
Side note: I’m in wrinkled clothes and bed head. There’s only so much one can do with a tiny hairbrush and perfume.
Finally, I decide to go for it. I walk over and say hi. He seems taken back. But nevertheless, happy to see me. We chit-chat for a few minutes. He says that I look great. I tell him well if he likes the packaging, then he should unwrap me. He’ll like what’s underneath.
So, he’s the only one in the store. He suggests that we step into his office. Mornings are generally very slow. Typical office, four walls, sofa, cabinet, desk…
As soon as we are in he doesn’t even give me a chance to get my bearings. He takes me over to the desk, swipes everything off of it. (Yes, people everything off the desk! It’s like a Nicholas Sparks novel or movie up in here!) He leans me up against the back of the desk. I ask him what he’s doing. He says he’s tired of me teasing him. I’m wearing a skirt. So, that just made his life a lot easier…
Forty minutes later, I left very satisfied with my shopping experience. But I’ll need to go the lost and found to find my panties.
I make it back to town. I need to pee! I text a good friend and say that I have to invade his space temporarily for the use of his bathroom. He replies with the door is open. I shoot past him and run into the bathroom. I finish my business. I come out and sit on the sofa next to him. We gossip about my evening/morning activities. I then notice that he has a grin on his face and a twinkle in his eyes. He informs me that I’ve been a very BAD girl. I know where this is leading… I figure what’s one more. I mean in bowling terminology, turkey!
He won’t let me take a shower. He says he wants to smell what a DIRTY girl I’ve been. We do the deed. Now he’s turned into a Dom, not allowing me do anything. He kept wanting me to tell him in detail about what I had done with the previous gentlemen. He was getting off on it!
I’m finally completely satisfied. I’m exhausted. I go home, take a shower, and check my phone. I’ve been a busy woman. There was no time to check for voicemail and texts. You know something is wrong when you read the following text,
“Please don’t be mad at me.”
Come to find out, my girl friend didn’t get the hint that I was busy the night before at the bar. She decided to take matters into her own hands and call the bar!!! She described me in detail to the bartender and told him if I appeared “sloshed” to cut me off immediately and to give me water, call her, or Uber it.
I know she was trying to be a good friend. But I mean, COME ON! Can’t a woman get some, with out interruptions! This explains the bartender giving me the not one, but TWO Uber tickets! and constantly checking on me.
Talk about embarrassing! OMG! I love her, but sometimes… oh my.
Moral of the story: Be your own ticket master.