The correct answer is Hump Day!
Yes, I just love that camel. How can you get over the hump on a difficult hump day? The elixir of life is helpful and sugar (aka chocolate) are helpful too but don’t quite get it done sometimes. Wine could fix it, but not allowed to drink during work hours. I know it’s a shame it really would make a happier working environment. The one thing that will make a bad hump day better is…. A good old fashioned humping!
Yep, a happy hump makes the day brighter.
I called the author (refer to skip lunch) for a pick me up hump. He told me that he would be happy to help me out. But unfortunately he had company. His company was mom and her yappy little dog. Yep, that’s right mom. So he wouldn’t be able to help me get over my hump on this particular hump day.
I really needed a good hump. I proceeded to do the whine/beg voice. He caved. He told me to give him ten minutes and he’d call me back.
I anxiously awaited the return call for my confirmation hump appointment. He called and said we’ve got an hour. Then he asked where I was, and how fast I could get to his place. I told him I was parked outside. (I told y’all, it was a BAD day. I was ready to get down to business, the nitty gritty, or whatever you’d like to refer to it as.)
I let myself in. He attacks me, starts ripping off clothing, and pulls me towards the bedroom. I’m half way de clothed. I ask him how did he get his mom out of the house? He smiled, and told me he sent her on a fool’s errand.
Umm… Huh? Please explain.
He informed me that he gave her a list of items he needed to smoke a Boston butt. On the list he added in a few extra special ingredients. Meaning they did NOT exist. He said she wouldn’t notice. She would go to all of the stores he listed looking for them before she returned home.
So, we get back to it. The author is about to hit cloud 9 when we hear the Star Wars theme song playing in the background. John Williams score is not enhancing the moment. He’s distracting. Despite the fact that it is an epic score to go with an epic series. I mean come on, who doesn’t want their very own R-2 or C-3PO? I’m sorry, I digress. So, he pauses in between my legs. He apologizes and says he HAS to take the call.
By the way, he’s still between my legs while taking the call. The caller is but of course, MOM.
She’s talking so loud I can hear her, no need for speaker. She’s found everything on the list except for a few things. He tells her to keep looking, check all the places on the list. He knows they exist, he needs them in order to prep the Boston butt. While he’s chatting with mom, he’s doing everything within his power to make me squeal. He’s doing exquisite things to my lady parts. It’s taking every bit of my will power not to make a peep.
His mom asks him is that my baby (aka yappy little dog) I hear in the background? She says maybe she should come back sooner. It sounds like he misses me. He said NO the dog is fine, it’s the neighbors (aka me). Then he asks her to give him a heads up when she is on the way home.
He hangs up, and finishes what he started. Let’s just say after I had to be silent for so long, it felt good to do what Queen Elsa sang from her icy palace, Let It Go. Thirty to forty minutes later I’m getting dressed to go. We hear mom pull up, she’s calling to her baby telling him she’s coming.
Ok, it’s panic mode time.
I’m getting dressed faster than I’ve ever gotten dressed before. Grabbing anything I think is mine shoving it on. Throwing my crap in bag, grab my keys, phone, and I RUN out the back door. I don’t even have time to tell the author bye, because I’m sprinting out. I’m having to duck down to avoid detection as mom comes thru the front door.
Later on that night the author texts me. He says if you were looking for your panties, I’ve GOT them. I was in such a rush when I left, I didn’t even notice the draft down there. Going commando for the rest of the day was a small sacrifice to make for my pick me up hump.
Moral: Go commando for your midday hump!