Okay, so to tell this story I need to give a little info beforehand. Let’s talk about the man I met thru a mutual friend, who had potential to be a boyfriend.
He is southern Carolina, tall, lanky, dirty blonde, intriguing eyes, preppy wardrobe, no career goals, stay at home gentleman.
We hit it off. We went out a few times and he mingled well with my friends. We lasted for about a month and here’s why we only lasted for 4 weeks…
So, we were out for the night. We had dinner, drinks, enjoyed ourselves, it was a good evening. But how could this night get better? If you are reading and you don’t know the answer as to how to make the evening better good luck to you my friend.
We drove my car to his place. When I finally pull into the driveway because we have gone down a long back road. I think to myself this is what happens in every horror film. Maybe I should turn back. There could be a man with a chainsaw hiding somewhere.
He and I walk inside, I’m greeted with brown shag carpet. It’s like the seventies up in there! There’s an entire wall of family photos. I think to myself, is he married, did I miss something? So, I decided to ask about the peculiar décor. He then informs me that he’s “house sitting” for his parents. Which means, aka I live at home with mommy & daddy.
So, I bring up the obvious question, are we going to be interrupted by two parental figures walking into the house? He informs that they are traveling overseas. So, we won’t be interrupted. The house is all ours.
This is when he proceeds to make his move. Fast forward to the good part of the evening, use your imagination for what happened before.
We are in the bedroom. But this is like no bedroom I’ve seen before. It looks like Woodstock took over this bedroom and not the happy hippy Woodstock more like the druggie version of Woodstock. Needless, to say that kind of killed the mood. But, I’m a trooper and soldiered on.
Clothing has been disposed of, and we are like the hippies one with nature. So, this is when I notice an interesting feature on his anatomy. I’ve never seen anything like it before. In case you haven’t figured out the area of his body I’m referring to you’ll figure it out soon enough.
It looks like… a turtle that hasn’t quite come out of its shell. I fondly refer to it as, peek-a-boo. But I didn’t say that out loud, that’s just me thinking to myself.
Now that I’ve seen peek-a-boo, I think to myself I’m not sure how to work with this. Maybe I need to go by the local library and pick up some literature on what I’m seeing. Because I need some guidance. But unfortunately the library is closed. So, there’s no time for reading. I’ve just got to wing it.
He takes notice of my pause and explains what peek-a-boo is. He’s uncircumcised. Well there’s a first time for everything.
Yet again, use your imagination to figure out what proceeded next. It involves a bed, sheets, and two homo sapiens.
After, I needed a swift out. So, my closest option is the bathroom. I take it. As I’m sitting on the toilet taking care of business in the dark. I take stock of my surroundings. There’s a sliver of moonlight coming thru the window and then I see them….
Country bunnies, everywhere all types of bunnies. Tall bunnies, short bunnies, bunnies with bows, bunnies laying down, bunnies sitting up, there’s even a bunny holding the flipping toilet paper! I now realize what room we just did the deed in. The master bedroom, aka his parents bedroom! Its either that or he has a serious problem with hoarding bunnies and that is something he’ll need to seek out professional medical help for I’m not qualified in ousting bunnies.
So now I’ve come to realize it times to escape from the rabbit hole. Its fight or flight time. I choose flight.
I tell him, I wasn’t planning on staying the evening. I need to get home. But of course life never goes the way you want it to. What does he want? I’ll tell you what he wants. What does every man with a bunny collection want? But to snuggle up in his bunny kingdom and cuddle.
I decided that I couldn’t break his delicate little peter cotton tail heart. I go against my better judgement and I stay and cuddle.
So, skip to the morning after. He makes me breakfast. Just like any good country bunny would. I drink my elixir of life aka coffee in a “Mama’s Lil Bunny” mug. Yes, that mug actually exists ladies and gentlemen.
After breakfast, he walks me to my car and says lets get together again. How about dinner? I told him let me check my schedule and I’ll be in touch. As I’m driving away I think to myself he’ll need a big carrot to entice me to come back.
The moral of the story is: Beware of the tortoise and the hare.