Example: Don’t date him. He’s not a good idea. He wouldn’t be good for you.
Okay, your friends generally look out for your best interest right?
So, I want to say that I LOVE my girls. But at certain points in your life, we all like a challenge and the don’t date him from my friend was taken as a challenge instead of a warning… I know, I know. I shouldn’t have.
But I did, challenge accepted. Let the adventure begin.
My girlfriend introduced me to this gentleman at an networking event. We saw each other at several social functions. Description: 6’2, athletic build, short dark hair, green eyes, and he reminded me of Don Draper from the TV show Mad Men. He was always dressed in a great suit. So for the rest of this post I’ll be referring to him as Mad Man.
I walked into the house after work a couple of weeks later. I’m expecting Teddy to come and greet me. But no, my Teddy is on the sofa. He’s not on the sofa alone. Teddy is having his ears scratched by Mad Man that I ran into at the events. I think to myself, WHAT THE FUCK? I ask him what he’s doing on my sofa. Uninvited. Well uninvited on our sofa, my roomie’s and mine.
Mad Man said that he’s hiding from his ex. (Sidenote: What a weenie! Hiding from his ex? MAN UP! I felt like asking did you lose your man card too? I would help you go find it, but I’m afraid that it could be under temporary suspension until you get your shit together.) Apparently he got in trouble at a bar, so my roomie said he could stay with us. He was supposed to be laying low. She obviously did not okay this with me.
My roomie and I have a routine. What’s his name on the sofa is screwing up the routine. I can’t walk around in comfy clothes, bra less, while drinking wine and cooking dinner with him here.
He stayed with us for a week. Yep, a week. Mad Man was a bit of a pest. When I was reading on the sofa, he would come and sit next to me. I would watch TV, he would watch TV with me. He went to the beach with us. He always seemed to be around me or right next to me.
Personal bubble space please?!
Seven days later… The temporary suspension on his man card was over turned. He got it back and went back to his place. Thank goodness! I received a text a few days later from the uninvited week long extra roomie. He apparently got my number from my actual roomie.
Another sidenote: Who gives out personal numbers without asking? Roomie and I are going to have a discussion. I could accidentally give her number to a drag queen… We have a absolutely fabulous gay club downtown. It wouldn’t be hard to ask one of the ladies to leave an interesting message for her. I’m sure I could think of something whimsical for a voicemail message.
Anyway back to the text.
Mad Man wanted to utilize my skills to help his business. He own a marketing company, and my skill set was what he needed. I was curious, so I went. He showed up a little bit later with my favorite sushi. Sushi, my kryptonite. Damn him.
We get to chit chatting. I realize that he’s NOT a complete asshole. He tells me about himself. I chat about myself as well. He told me about his ex and how she unfortunately cheated on him. He also walked in on her and the other guy. There are some memories you wish you could forget. That was one of them for him. I felt for him.
He offered me a deal. He didn’t have time for a relationship. But he felt like we connected. I agreed. So, he put forth a friends with benefits scenario. I thought why not? So we gave it a go.
No one knew about our deal. I’d go over to his place. We would go out in public for dinner and drinks every once and a while. We’d seal the deal. Then go back to our lives.
Let’s talk about sex. No, not the song y’all, lol.
He thought that he was the BEST sex ever. In fact during the deed, he would yell it out. I know I’m the best you ever had! He needed that to get off. But it was pretty basic, missionary in the bedroom every time. He did have one kink. In order for him to reach his peak, he needed for me to suck his nipples. What’s up with men and weird nipple fetishes? (please refer too scratch itch) It certainly wasn’t the best I’ve ever had. I decided to let him know that he was misinformed. So I gave him the correct information. He didn’t believe me! Male ego, give me a break.
Fast forward a few months. We hadn’t seen each other in a while. I go over to his place. We are sitting on the sofa. He says he’s missed me and he wants to know why I haven’t been by to see him.
What a wimp!
I decided NOT to tell him that he was a boring fuck, and that’s why I haven’t been over lately. He didn’t believe me the first time. So, why beat a dead horse?
I tell him that I’ve have a boyfriend now. That’s why I haven’t been over. Now, this wasn’t the truth I was still a free agent at this time. I just wanted to see if this would spark anything in him.
He said he didn’t believe me. I looked him straight in the eye and told him, I’m a catch. Why would he think that I would still be single? Mad Man then proceeded to put his arms around me. I asked what is he doing? I’ve got a “boyfriend” I can’t do this with you anymore. He told me to stop lying. Then put all his body weight on top of me and grabbed a handful of my hair so I can’t move at all. Mad Man looked right into my eyes and says you know you miss me and leans in to kiss me.
I told him we could ONLY be friends. He then picked me up, threw me over his shoulder cave man style and told me that he was going to show me what I had been missing.
Inner monologue moment: YES! YES! FINALLY! Please SHOW ME what I have been missing. Make me forget all about my “boyfriend“.
We made it into the bedroom and he finally ROCKED my world! Where was this passion months ago? He needed to be jealous and have his manhood tested in order to fuck a woman right. I know I’m not supposed to lie…
But DAMN, that was one lie where the results were extremely beneficial to me.
Quote: I don’t have a dirty mind, I just have a sexy imagination.