My encounter with royalty 

I was heading down…

Down Under that is, aka Australia. Get your minds out the gutter people!

I needed something different. Exploration seemed like a good idea. Wanderlust struck me. I pulled out my cell, told Siri I needed a change of scenery that had a beautiful beach and hot men. She said Australia first. The Aussies won!

My first stop I was in a major metropolitan city, one with gorgeous beaches and lots of gorgeous scenery. I’m not talking about the crystal blue waters, I’m speaking of the hot male bodies in and out of the water.

GOD BLESS the Aussies!

I decided I wanted the same vibe but in a different town, where I could check off four goals from my wanderlust wish list.

They were the following: Sky diving, snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef, an undefined escapade, and of course, an international sexual adventure. After all y’all aren’t reading this to learn about the beauty of Australian beaches. I wanted the town to match my current state of mind.

A little reminder or new information for those you who do not know. Australia is not just a continent, but a country; the major cities are along the coasts due to the desert in the middle of the country. Flying is the most efficient way to travel to see hot men.

I’m on the Great Barrier Reef. Hadn’t quite figured out where I would be laying my head for the evening. I decided to go with my inner wanderlust. I went to the local hostel.

Now my dear readers, we’ve all heard the hostel horror stories. I’m here to tell you some of them are TRUE. There are two different types of travel bugs, the dirty travel bugs which are found in a wide variety of places. But the dirty human travel bugs are only found in hostels.

I thought where’s a Home Depot? I could have bought some of the do it yourself bug spray and solved at least some of the problem.

I decided to experience one of the natural water features in the outback. This is not just me in a swimsuit in the water, but me, swimsuit, water, and some lovely men as well.

One gentleman, 5’10 surfer dude, Swiss, soul patch on a ruggedly handsome chin, happened to catch my eye more than once. By the end of the tour, we had not spoken a word to each other, but as Ursula said in The Little Mermaid, “You’ll have your looks, your pretty face and don’t underestimate the importance of body language, ha!” Disney always gets it right.

A group of us from the tour decided to go out for drinking and dancing. My strong yet silent Swiss surfer and I continued our body language conversation. Hands wandering, hips swiveling, bodies rubbing, I let him put his body up on me. We were talking body (thank you Tove Lo). He grabbed my hands, looks me in the eye, and nods his head towards the  door.

I’m sure you can guess what my body did next…

It’s around 1:30 in the morning at this point. He informs me that his hotel is quite a distance from our current location. I have a 6am appt with Finding Nemo in the Great Barrier Reef. I’m the help that his dad and Dory wish that they had. So, we head back to my hostel.

I’m not sure how many of you have actually spent any quality time in a hostel. Beds are sparse. Four whole twin beds. I know, FOUR! Yep. Luckily I am the sole occupant this early morning with the exception of my Swiss stranger. As we become more involved in our body talk I discovered my Swiss surfer had some connections with British royalty. The metal version of the Victorian prince. While a surprise, I decided to go with it. I’m here for fun and adventure after all.

There are NO limits in my outback.

I’d heard pleasurable commentary about the metal accessory and have high expectations for what’s about to happen between my Swiss surfer and I. The piercing, after all, led me to believe that the man had a down, dirty, and kinky side, which you, my dear readers, know is pretty much my middle name. Sadly, this was not to be the case…the accessory, and his pretty face, were all this gentleman had going for him.

Advice: To my lady readers, DON’T believe the rumors! At least in this particular situation. My gentlemen, please learn how to use your equipment efficiently. Added accessories should only come after you’ve reached the proper skill level.



11 thoughts on “My encounter with royalty 

  1. I thought ‘under’… then you said ‘under’… and my mind was still in the gutter. Pretty guys sometimes think they don’t have to do anything, so they never learn. I am not exactly ugly, but I’m not going to appear on People’s Sexiest Man Alive cover anytime soon…. but as far as I’m concerned, if you’re going to do it, do it right.

    And I do.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Couple of thoughts here:

    * Next time you are at a beach you will have much more fun with the hostel experience in a poolside Cabana at the local Marriott; it’s all the “roughing it you need.” And it will probably come with your own cabana boy who will gladly bring you frosty “boat drinks”
    * I hear those foreign fellas sometimes ain’t (you know) snipped down there (e.g. circumcised); any commentary there?
    * Why did you go all the way to Australia to hook up with a Swiss guy; crickey, you couldn’t find Crocodile Dundee! I’m that’s like going to New York city for biscuits and gravy or pralines.

    Liked by 1 person

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