I’m having dinner with my girls. I had just gotten back from a much-needed mini vacation. Of course I had gotten each of my them a little gift. Unfortunately I couldn’t bring a man home for each of them. But I brought the next best things food, art, and jewelry. We chat about my trip, eat dinner, drink wine, everyone loves their gifts, then we head out for an evening on the town.
I ended up drinking a little too much. So a male friend (please refer to Cowgirl Up) came and picked my slightly drunk ass up. It’s so nice to have friends downtown. They pick you up, tuck you into bed, feed you, and give you the elixir of life in the morning.
I’m a lucky lady.
I left his place and found my car. Now if you live or have ever been to my beautiful city, then you know that squares are all over downtown. They are one way, you have to stop or yield depending on if you are entering or leaving the square. I was about to cross over a stretch. But there was a funeral procession with a never-ending line of vehicles. So when there was an opening I took it!
Just as I zoomed, a parked vehicle was pulling out of its parallel parked spot. Fucking hell! Zoom turned into CRASH!
Don’t worry this is not my current beautiful baby. The reason I have my new baby is because of the zoom zoom moment.
Okay back to the crash, I’m a little stunned. My air bags didn’t fucking deploy. What the fuck?! My side of the car is smashed in. I have to crawl out of the passenger side. Meanwhile everyone is checking on the other driver. No one has even noticed me crawling/falling out of my passenger door.
I survey the damage to my poor car. It has survived so much! Drunk tickets, indecent exposure, drowning, bachelorette parties, a little road rage etc. But as I survey it I’m thinking oh fuck, this might really be the end. That fucking funeral procession! If only they had gone faster this wouldn’t have happened.
I go to check on the other driver. She was flipping out and screaming not so nice words at me from across the street. She called the police, I called the police, a bystander called the police. She begins to tell the police officer that she’s in extreme pain. She said her side hurts and she can’t walk. But she’s pacing back and forth. Her head hurts and she can’t talk. While she’s talking to the police officer describing her false medical pain.
The officer came over to me to take my statement. I tell him I know I was in the wrong. But it was an accident. He told me not to worry he didn’t believe a word that the other bitchy driver was telling him. No, the officer didn’t call her a bitch. I just thought that’s what he wished he could have said.
The money hungry bitch driver was able to drive off in her vehicle. With a small dent on the back of her car. My poor baby on the other hand wasn’t able to drive. I had to call a tow for it. My poor, poor baby!
I called my girlfriend, explained what happened. She said she was on her way to get me. She arrived and surveyed the damage. Thankful that I wasn’t injured she tried to cheer me up and make light of the current situation. She said, let’s take a picture for Facebook. It’ll be hilarious! Just lay on the hood of your mangled car. It’s certainly not going to hurt it. I thought, shit why the hell not?
So as I’m posing on the hood, the officer is giving me that woman is crazy look as I’m smiling. I then post the picture to Facebook. Everyone starts commenting, are you okay? Are you hurt? Anything go I can do? Etc. There’s always that one friend though, who makes the one comment you don’t expect.
She didn’t say any of the normal commentary. Instead she asked, “Weren’t you wearing that dress last night? Who did you stay with? Guess no change of clothes in the car huh? Lol!”