Let’s get Blitzen

This gentleman I originally met from Tinder. His nickname for this post is holiday themed. I know, I’m being festive! His name is Christmas tree. Our initial first date was in a Christmas tree lot. So, yes I know the nickname is lacking originality. But it works for him. (For another Tinder adventure please refer to: Caution)

Description: bean pole (aka skinny as a toothpick, I need some meat! Where’s the muscle?), 6’1, dark brown hair and enjoys the outdoors.

I haven’t talked to Christmas tree in a few months. I was busy with work. He was being lazy and not contacting me. So I forgot about him. I got a birthday party invite from an old friend. I was excited and excepted. This Bunny needed to have a fun night out. It’s also free booze and food!

Yes and YES PLEASE!

I was perusing the guest list on Facebook. As I was perusing, I recognized a name. Yep, you guessed it Christmas tree. I thought well FUCK! This is going to be awkward at the party. I decided to message him. Just to clear the air between us. He invited me to meet the day before the party. I thought why not? It’s Friday night, I’ve got no plans. Just go and meet, have a drink, clear the air. He said he was going to be out with friends. So even better it won’t be just the two of us.

When I walked into the bar he was really excited to see me. I mean REALLY excited and all of his friends were extra nice to me. It was a little strange. There was too much friendliness going on. We hung out. We actually ran into the birthday boy. The more the merrier. But I began to notice that Christmas tree hasn’t left my side all evening. He’s constantly hovering around me.

Personal bubble space PLEASE! (Please refer to: bubble)

He asks me, “Do I want to go for a ride?” I replied, “What do you mean?” He repeated the question. I gave the same reply. He got frustrated. A little later he told me I embarrassed him in front of his friends. I didn’t understand what he was talking about. How could I have embarrassed him by asking a question. Maybe it’s a guy thing that I’m unaware of. I didn’t mean to embarrass him. I was asking because I didn’t understand. So much for the saying there’s no such thing as a stupid question.

I left to go home.

He Facebook messaged me the next day offering to drive me to the party. I thought to myself no thank you. I don’t want to be stuck with him. It’ll look like we are together and if I want to go home I don’t want to depend on him.

I arrive at the party, its in full swing. I walk thru the door. Christmas tree is standing right next to it.

He’s been waiting for me… Awkward!

He goes in for a hug. I avoid him like the plague. I say hi, and tell him I’m going to find my girlfriend. As I’m looking for her I look around and realize many of the people at this party I have previously fucked. But now my previous fuck partners are married. Their wives are standing or sitting with them. It was a smidge awkward. But I went with it.

I spot my girlfriend. I give her the 411 on Christmas tree. So she is aware.

Party is ROCKING.

Christmas tree has made multiple approaches. So often that the single men at the party think that he is my boyfriend. BLOODY FUCKING HELL! What do I have to do to get rid of this man? I’ve tried being polite. He isn’t getting the picture. It might be time for the bitch in Bunny to come out.

My girlfriends have turned him coming to talk to me into a drinking game. Every time he comes by, walk by, talks to me etc we have to take a shot. I got SO fucked up! A lot of shots were taken.

It’s a Hawaiian themed pool party. I didn’t bring a suit. I’m NOT swimming. Alcohol and swimming… think about it. I’m not that much of an idiot and none of these peeps are seeing me in my swimwear. Christmas tree has stripped off his clothing, he’s in swim trunks, and jumps in. The only reason I still know he’s coming by is because the girls keep handing me shots.

I’m in the middle of a conversation. A dripping wet bean pole comes up next to me in a towel with a huge grin on his face. I glance over and nod to acknowledge him. But I continue my conversation. He still hasn’t joined the conversation. It’s a little strange, people are staring at him. I glance over at Christmas tree. He smiles BIG and says, “You can look at my nipples if you want.”

Inner Monologue Moment: WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCKING HELL? Who is he? And why are you talking about your nipples in public? Because I don’t give a shit about your nipples.

I immediately step away from him. He gives me a hurt look. He asks if I’m afraid of him. I tell him he’s WET!! I don’t want to get wet at all. He walks off.

The evening is wrapping up. The punch has been consolidated. It was in coolers dressed as hula girl. I was getting a refill from a hula girl. As I’m getting my refill, I turn to the guys and said SHE as in the cooler is peeing in my cup. The host laughs said no she’s actually squirting. I reply with “oh just like me.”

Everyone either laughs, spits out their drink, or is stunned silent.

Oops, I had a Bunny moment.

As I’m giving sex advice to some of the guys Christmas tree walks up. He stands next to me, but he seems uncomfortable with the conversation. He doesn’t have to stay. I don’t know why he’s still next to me. He then walks away. I think yes! I don’t hear from him for the rest of the night.

I somehow get talked into driving some people home. I then realize that I’m not in the mood to drive people drunk people home. I tell everyone I’ll be right back, going to the little girls room.

But I head straight towards my car. I had to make a run for it! If I had a lumber jack I would have told him to chop Christmas tree down to size. But alas I’m just a Bunny. So I hopped to the safety of my car.

Advice: If you ignore me, I will ignore you. If you don’t start the conversation, we won’t talk. If you don’t put in the effort, why should I?

©southerngabunny