This is a struggle for single women everywhere. Do you play hard to get? Do you just lay your cards on the table? No, no of course not. You do what every sane woman does, you ask a friend…
There was a jazz bar I frequented and since I was there constantly (along with my girlfriends) I got to know the bartender. But I didn’t know how to really get to know him…
My friends suggested inviting him to a restaurant that we were at one evening. Since the bartender and I had exchanged numbers, I invited him to join us. As we all know only brave men show up to social situations with girl friends. So, my bartender was courageous and came to a table filled with women to talk to me (automatic confidence booster! I’m thinking thank goodness I wore a cute bra today) He automatically receives a gold star.
Naturally, my girls do what all good friends do. They grill him. He survives the inquisition. Since I have good friends, they all suddenly have plans/places to be. Now, it’s just the bartender and I. Yep, you’re thinking what I was thinking, hip hip hooray!
We move to the bar (a place he’s very familiar with). He and I are now quite cozy. He’s drinking scotch and I’ve got wine. I’m leaning towards him, when someone touches my shoulder which grabs my attention. The person who has grabbed my attention is the owner of the establishment we are currently frequenting. He keeps a hold of my shoulder (side-note: I’ve had intimate relations with the owner of the establishment now currently holding onto my shoulder). He and the bartender are now doing that caveman stare down thing, y’all know what I’m talking about. The she’s mine primal instinct that they are both oozing out of their pores, but don’t really even realize that they are doing it.
He decides to sit down on the bar stool next to me. Now I’m in a man sandwich. The owner notices my drink is low he gives my bartender a look…
Then proceeds to order me another drink and my favorite cheesecake. Needless to say, my bartender now has serious competition. He’s got to up his game. The owner ordered more booze and sugar, I mean come on what more can a girl ask for?
He tells my bartender that any friend of mine is a friend of his. He extends an invitation to taste the new drink menu they’ve just created. My bartender takes it well. We stay.
We are all quite a few alcoholic beverages in at this point. My mind is starting to get hazy. I start leaning, towards my bartender. My bartender doesn’t notice. So, the owner sweeps in and leans me on his shoulder, turns me around, and gives me a back massage. He then proceeds to tell my bartender what to do to please me. I start to feel sorry for my bartender at this point. So, I caress his leg. This action does not seem to please him.
I have now realized that my bartender is not too happy with me. I look at my watch thinking its been an hour or two. It’s four o’clock in the morning! OH MY GOD! It’s time to sober up. I look up at the bartender that’s been pouring our drinks for the evening to tell him to give me a coffee. It’s then that I realize whom the bartender is… It’s the man from a previous post (La Playa). I’m thinking, oh shit. Life just got a whole lot more complicated.
Now is the time to excuse myself to the bathroom.
I hold onto the wall to get there, but I make it. Now that I’m in the safety of the women’s bathroom, a sacred space. I get my self together, give my self a pep talk. I walk out. And who do I run into, but La Playa… He informs me that it looks like I’m having a GREAT night. It was entertaining for him to watch and if I need a place to stay in the wee hours of the morning which we are currently in, his door is always open for me.
I told him I would think about it.
I return to the bar. My bartender is GONE. Just gone, not in the bathroom, just gone. The owner is grinning, looking like he’s won. He proceeds to give me a whopper of a kiss. He tells me that I’m welcome to stay with him. I disappoint him and tell him no. I need to get home. I attempt to walk without swerving. I mostly succeed…
Remember tasting new drink menu! Free booze, of course I said yes. My mother didn’t raise a fool!
I’m walking to my car. In the direction where I think my car is. But in the current state of mind, I’m not completely positive. I stop to take a mini thinking break. I lean up against a building. While I’m leaning and thinking who drives up, but my bartender. I inform him I’m fine. He says NO, GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR! I stumble into the car. We drive to a gorgeous hotel on the river and he gets a room. We go up to the room.
He immediately closes the curtains, pulls down the sheets. I’m exhausted. I strip out of everything except for bra and panties. I stroll across the bed in my mind in a very seductive way. But most likely in my inebriated state it was more like a drunken lion crawling across the bed. I help relieve him of his clothing. He’s in boxers only now. He tucks me in and attempts to be gentlemen-ly.
He says that I’m too far gone to know whats going on. Lets sleep and we can figure out what to do in the morning when I’m in a better state of mind. I think to myself, “What the fuck, I don’t want to cuddle! What do you think I stripped off my clothing for? Because I was feeling warm and toasty? Um, no! Hello, gentleman is not needed here this evening! Ugh!”
I basically slept on top of him. Temptation anyone, lol…
When I wake up, I look at him. His eyes are wide open. He looks like he hasn’t slept a wink. I ask him sweetly if he slept. He says NO he didn’t sleep. He was a little uncomfortable…
Well boo hoo, I didn’t get the sexual activities I was hoping for. So, I don’t feel sorry for him. We get dressed and check out. He drops me a block from my car. I pick up coffee.
I run into the owner of the restaurant as I’m walking the walk of no-shame. He seems taken back. He thought I went home. I inform him that I decided that it was best for me to stay in a hotel. I make no mention of my bartender.
I’m holding my coffee like its my best friend. Because it’s the most warmth, I felt thru the evening/early morning.
He proceeds to invite me upstairs. He makes breakfast for me. We watch a little television. Then one thing leads to another… We have the much-needed sex that I thought I was going to get the night before in my drunken state in the gorgeous hotel. Thankfully, the owner knows how to bang a woman right!
I mean, my bartender dropped the ball. The whole point of bringing a woman to a hotel the majority of the time is to bang her into the headboard! Yes, I said BANG. Bang is making a comeback! I’m helping to lead the way.
Please start inserting into your daily vocabulary.
Word of the day: BANG!