𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾’𝗌 𝖺 𝗋𝖾𝖿𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝖺 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝖾?

 Let me give you a little background on this guy. We’ll call him, WWF and no it’s not WTF or WWJD, those are popular anagrams I’m aware. But I don’t want any confusion to happen. WWF, stands for Words with Friends.

For those of my readers who don’t know what Words with Friends is I’ll give you a brief description. It’s basically Scrabble, that you play against the computer or an another opponent of your choice online.

We were conversing on Words with Friends and had a lot in common. Conversing was easy with him. He is the compatible sign that I actively seek. We talked about a wide variety of topics. Since we got along so well via text, we decided to meet in person. He asked me to dinner. He couldn’t decide on where, so I suggested my favorite sushi place. We both agreed, set day and time.

We meet in one of the squares downtown before the restaurant. Ladies, you know how it goes. Meet in a public place, number one. Mama didn’t raise a fool. Number two, if he looks crazy I’m in an open and public place. I can run or yell fire (for the men reading this, women are taught to yell fire. Not police, theif, help, rape, etc. No, no, no. You yell fire. People respond to fire. I know crazy, but true.). Number three, I can size him up. So, if I need to I can say lets go to a different restaurant. If he looks sketchy I can’t take him to a place I frequent constantly and where people know me.

He passes the test. We go to my favorite sushi place. He decides that we should sit at the sushi bar instead of a table. This was my first red flag. Who chooses to sit at the bar on a first date when you can sit at a table? Its difficult to converse at the sushi bar. Many distractions, such as: the sushi artisan preparing our meal, the large flat screen tv playing a football game, and people conversing sitting next to us.

We are sitting at the bar. As we are trying to figure out what to order he informs me he doesn’t like sushi. WTF! Not WWF his nickname, but the real What the Fuck! Now I can’t order the sushi boat for us to share. Major letdown. It’s a boat filled with fabulous fun. He has now deprived me of the raw fish I was craving. Red flag number two.

I decide it’s time to make small talk, talking is considerably difficult. Due to the fact that he’s watching the football game on the flat screen in front of us. When he finally decides to converse during the commercials, he asked me about my New Years resolutions. I told him I had a few mini goals. He decided at that point to give me a resolution to add to my list. He asked me if I had considered going to the gym. That’s right, he’s basically calling me FAT. I let it go. I thought it’s our first date, don’t over think. Our food arrives, happy times! He looks at my platter, and says that’s a LOT of food for one person. All I thought was, this man wants me to knock his ass off the bar stool he’s sitting on. I’ll show him what my to him overweight ass can do! Boo-yah!!!!

But sigh, I kept my inner assaulting thoughts to myself. The check comes, it’s sitting between us. The check is screaming to him, pay me!!! Lo and behold, it’s still sitting there. Screaming at him, unpaid. This prompts me to finally pick it up. He then informs me he’ll pick it up. I’m pissed at this point, I say lets go Dutch. Anything to get me out of here faster.

As we are heading out, I run into a few friends. We converse, now he’s suddenly social. They know something is up, so we wrap up the conversation. He’s walking me to my car. He brings up the hockey game that I invited him to previously. He’s excited about it and can’t wait to go. All I’m thinking is SHIT, is there a way for me to uninvited him. I can’t say the games are cancelled. They are advertised everywhere, damn good PR. I’m surprised he still wants to go. He was pretty anti social. So I’m perplexed as to why he wants to converse during an athletic event. I realize there’s no way out of it. He’s coming, hip hip hooray (aka oh FUCK, why me?)

We are now on date number two. 

I’m standing in line with my girlfriends. This is a group event. It’s a bunch of my girls and a few have brought their guys. I’ve given my girls fair warning, they know all about WWF. So, they are going to help me make this experience less awkward. He arrives. I make introductions, there are mixed reactions from my girls. One is polite, another just acknowledges him, one basically gives him the you are on my shit list look. He didn’t even really seem to pick up on the different greetings.

We make it to the window. All of the good seats are gone. In order to get the group rate, we have to pay as a group. We split into two groups. I look at him, all the girls look at him, one of the guys is looking at him. All were thinking, this is the point where he pulls out money to pay. He informs me that his card isn’t working.  He only had a couple of dollars on him.

Red flag number three. Actually the flag is now a deep burgundy. I wanted to cut my losses and tell him to amscray. But I didn’t want to make a scene in front of all my friends.

I decide to pay with my card. All of my friends give me cash, except for him. We proceed to our seats, which I paid for. The seating arrangement is boy, girl, boy, girl. So to converse with others sometimes you have to bend over and yell a bit. The hockey game is between two rivals. There will be blood on the ice. I’m thinking the players are probably feeling a twinge of the anger I’m feeling right now.

The game has started. He now wants to make small talk and no this small talk was NOT to ask me if I’d like anything from the concession stand. Which all of the other guys have done. I’m hearing stats from him about the university I attended. He can’t seem to fathom that I don’t know much about the sporting events from my school. I’m not a huge sports fan. I was also busy studying my ass off. I didn’t have time to watch sports between school and work.

He then decided to mention the gym AGAIN… He’s not inviting me to his gym. Then he proceeded to mention a few exercises that would be beneficial to me. 

Side note: clarification is needed, I’m NOT fat! I’m NOT overweight. I’m petite with a small frame.

Now flag number four is blood red, and is whipping back in forth thru hurricane 4 force winds. My friend feels hurricane force winds a brewing and decides to intervene. Before I toss his ASS out into the storm. She changes the conversation. He starts conversing. I ignore him, he finally seems to get the idea.

The game has ended. I’m thinking sweet freedom! I can finally get rid of him. But no, he decides to invite himself along for drink with a few of my friends. I’m thinking, I’m in much need of a STRONG drink. But NOT with him.

We went to a popular, trendy rooftop bar. The girls sit down, the guys all ask what they would like to drink. Because their mothers taught them to be southern gentleman. The quiet but all too familiar sound of crickets is coming from WWF. One of my girls guys steps in and gets me a glass of red. We are all conversing at the bar. WWF is now ignoring me and talking to one of my guy friends. This was red flag number five. This flag has been ripped and is holding on by a very thin blood red thread.

DANGER!

All of us head out. We are all walking to our vehicles. He has the nerve to ask me if I can drive him to his car. I’m at a loss for words. Well, not really a loss, I told my girlfriend exactly what I thought about giving him a ride. Let’s just say that at that moment I was more inclined to run him over with my car than let him sit in it.

Fortunately, my girlfriend’s date realized assault was likely. He stepped in and offered to give him a lift to his car. He did not want to be a witness to assault on the street. I was finally rid of him!

Moral of the story: How many red flags does it take to put an cheap asshole in a penalty box?

© southerngabunny