Dear Mr. Postman

In honor of our soon to be girls game night, I’m going to share a GG night with all of you my beloved readers. As you know my girls and I are never boring.

This game night is taking place at my girlfriends house who I’ve known since my beginning. She’s been with me thru thick and thin. I used to be timid… Then we became friends. What happens when you mix a sassy Puerto Rican with sexy New Yorker? You get my bestie.

The night has begun. Everyone brings a bottle of wine, a dish, and board game. Yes, we are very organized ladies. Six ladies, yes that’s right your math is correct that’s six bottles of wine. Well… it was a good night. Somehow the bottles of wine were magically empty. The wine fairies did it!

So we had to make a trip to Wally World. We needed provisions (AKA wine) and another game too. We all piled into the SUV. The only reason we took the SUV was because it was the last one in the driveway. So the easiest to get out. Yes we had all been drinking. But we made it to Wally World. The wine fairies guided us!

We decided to split up. This way we’d get back to drinking sooner. Three went to the wine aisle. Three went to board games. We’ve each got a bottle of large wine. The “regular” bottles just weren’t cutting it obviously. Just too many wine fairies.

The three of us are walking towards the registers. But we stop. One of my girlfriends hears laughter. It’s familiar laughter.

We follow the sounds of what we know are our girlfriends. They are supposed to be getting games… But instead of board games in their hands they have, hula hoops. Yes, that’s not a typo. Hula hoops.

They are in the middle of Wally World having a hula hoop competition! And they aren’t being quiet about it either. This is generally where I would have told them to stop. We are in a public place. But the wine was speaking instead of me… I said, smile for the camera!

They just couldn’t party with out the hula hoops. So we had to purchase them. Have you ever tried to fit six women, bottles of wine, and four hula hoops in a small SUV? Let me tell you, it can be done! Even while tipsy.

We return to the house. The girls and I drink more wine, eat some more, and play the games. The wine is now all gone. This time it wasn’t the wine fairies. It’s now time to go home. Most carpooled or ubered.

I’m waiting in my baby to reverse. When I suddenly hear a loud BANG! But I think in my current state that I could imagined it. I wasn’t moving. So it wasn’t me.

I get out of my car to investigate. I see all the girls at the end of the driveway surrounding something…

Inner Monologue Moment: Oh FUCK! Did someone get run over? SHIT! FUCK! FUCK! I mean I know my girlfriend hates her neighbors. But not this far! Please don’t let it be a dead body. Please don’t be a dead body (refer to hide your body)! Or a dead deer (refer to Bambi).

I tentatively walk over. The headlights are on, shining in the street. All I see is white. I have to focus for things to come to shape. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Everyone is aghast. I turn and go back to the house to get the host. I have to let her know what happened. Fuck, why me?

She opens the door.

I just grab her hand and drag her down to the end of the driveway. She’s asking what’s going on?

She stops. She sees everyone in the street.

Then she says, “Who the fuck killed my mailbox?!”

Quote from Bunny: I’m sorry my wine fairies are on break right now.

© southerngabunny