The British Are Coming..

Bunny is back and hopping! Weddings, jobs, men, etc have settled down a bit. And of course a happy hour two…

This escapade took place on a hump-day happy hour. It’s the last Wednesday of every month, and its for people in the creative industry (writers, graphic designers, art in any field). If anyone is interested here’s a link:cspot.

I met up with a few of my favorite writers. It was great to catch up after my vacation. One specializes in historical novels, and the other is a funny and relatable memoir writer. My nickname for her is Lady Bee. She’s charismatic, cultured, and full of zip. Check out her book here.

After happy hour with the writers one of my girls met up with me and we headed to whiskey Wednesday at a fave Scottish pub. Because everyone loves a good Scot! Shout out to my favorite highlander Jaime! #imwithjaime #outlander

As soon as we got in we zeroed in on a group of well dressed men playing darts. I automatically identify them as lawyers. I made eyes at the tallest one, gotta stake my claim early! Then I saw a shorter lawyer peek out from behind the tall gorgeous one. He looked at me like I was a candy carrot. I thought oh Lordie. Those are not the eyes I want to be looking at for the rest of the evening. But short stuff swayed his way over to us. He was clearly a few drinks in.

He sits down next to me. Then proceeds to ask me on whiskey Wednesday to order him a white wine… The bartender gave me a look. I replied with, I know, I know he’s clearly an out of towner. But he did have a British accent that was fun to listen too at least. I order his girlie white wine. He hops off to play his turn at darts. I lock eyes with tall, dark, and handsome. I crook my finger at him, then gently pat the bar-stool next to me. He saunters over and sits. I tell him he’s going to be my safety from his drunk white wine drinking friend.

Shortie bounces back over, picks up his white wine, then asks where’s my drink? I look at the bartender, with that are you shitting me look. I told him I only drink whiskey on whiskey Wednesdays. He said for me to order myself a drink on his tab, and to order himself one too. My girlfriend orders a whiskey off the menu, she’s good friends with the bartender. They serve it in these cute glasses I’ve never seen before. She looks at me and says, you know you aren’t going to drink that. Go ahead and hand it over. She’s right, I don’t drink whiskey. But I didn’t want to be too obvious.

He comes back over. Then takes a tiny sip with his pinky finger up in the air. Like we are at afternoon tea. We are in a fucking Scottish Pub. This is not a tea room, ugh. Hot stuff comes back over and sits down. Shortie tells me to save the seat for him. I tell him I can do that.

After Shortie scooches, my girlfriend asks the bartender for another glass and pours shorties whiskey into her glass accept for a single sip. Then she pours mine into hers as well. Shortie comes back and doesn’t even notice. He says damn that was good scotch. It takes all of my effort not to laugh or correct him, considering it’s whiskey.

He tries to convince us to go to a touristy rooftop bar. I’m a local. I don’t do touristy spots. My girlfriend then tells shortie she’s not going anywhere until she finishes her food. And going to that tourist bar certainly isn’t going to convince her to eat any faster. If he wants to join us at a real bar he can wait and follow us to a actual good one.

I walk with handsome and shortie to the good bar. I’m so proud of me. I’m being so nice to the tourists, helping out our local economy. I drop them off at the bar, go back and grab my girlfriend. I tell them I’ll be back shortly. Thirty minutes later we are back. There’s a fifty fifty chance they might not be there. But lo and behold we walk in, there’s shortie and handsome.

They are standing at the bar, with two seats open. I have to give them brownie points for staying and keeping seats for us. One of them is a gentleman.

Can you guess which one?

They’ve been trying to get a drink for the last thirty minutes. I told them to step aside, Bunny has got this. I get their drinks: old fashioned for handsome, flirtini for shortie and ours. I turn around, lean against the bar, and give the order. Done and done, I said and put it on the tall ones’ tab.

I kinda feel like they were starting to loose interest. Because they were talking about work. My girlfriend and I also ran into people we knew. It’s a small space between the bar and banquets. I’m constantly checking on them. Their drinks get low, I order them a new round.

As I hand him the next drink, he says is this what having a work wife is like?

Because I described my job to him as a work wife. It was quick and easy. My job has too much to it to explain all at once. He then quotes me an outrageous fee and says would that be enough for me to come and work for him. I told him that I’m loyal to my current employer.

My girlfriend has disappeared, she’s mingling. Handsome has taken the seat next to me. He’s wearing a slim fitting suit. His royal jewels looked very cramped in his trousers. He says he wants to try out a new drink. As I turn to order, I then feel a warm hand on my leg. I got really excited about that hand.

I’m asking handsome more about himself, the usual questions. This is when I learn handsome is only visiting. Shortie is the one who lives here. Well fuck. There goes my fun plans, no friends with benefits.

We continue chatting. Then shortie pops into the middle of our intimate conversation. Shortie is barely able to stand up. He asks me where I live in town. I don’t take strangers home. He then asked if I felt like playing a wild card. I don’t agree to shit if I don’t know what it is.

Handsome is continuously caressing my leg. I’m feeling so deprived and horny. Shortie is trying to explain his idea of a wild card. Then that’s when I notice it.

Inner monologue moment: Was that there the whole time? I’m pretty sure I checked. Did I check? Yes I did. Shit, no friend with benefits. Maybe I can ignore. Fuck no, I can’t. Ugh, I should of drank all the whiskey. Then I wouldn’t have noticed. Fuck my currently deprived sex life. My vacation sex has officially run out. Boy, I really could use a good lay. Its a stress reliever. Does that qualify as a medical need? If so I can ignore, right? I need to ask a therapist that. Ugh, NO I CAN’T! FUCK my decent morals.

If you haven’t figured out what I’m beating myself up about. I’ve just noticed a shiny gold RING on each of their left hands. That’s where this Bunny doesn’t hop across the line.

At this point all plans are now DEAD. It’s time to wrap it up and leave the bar. Right at this moment his phone on the bar starts to ring. The screen fucking says wifey. Apparently he informs me he’s a newlywed, three FUCKING months!!

I feel sorry for his wife.

I’ve decided its time to go. Handsome is drunk and staying at a hotel downtown. Shortie is no where to be found. I decide to be nice and walk Handsome to his hotel. My fucking hospitality knows no bounds. We are walking. He wants to hold hands, like we are a couple. Ugh! Like he thinks his puppy eyes will make me change my mind. He asks me to come up to his room, just so I can sober up. I’m not an idiot. I politely tell him no thanks, have a safe flight back.

Quote: Whiskey mixes well with everything except decisions.

©southerngabunny