Bunny has been hopping!
My beloved readers I apologize for the delays in between posts. My new position has been keeping me extremely busy. I’m not used to working crazy hours. But I’m loving my new job! The term executive assistant, is LOADED. I wear so many hats I can’t keep track. As all of you know I love fashion, so bring on the hats! I’ll get a pair of shoes to match with each of them.
I decided to dress up for work. I needed a pick me up. I had been working 13 hour days. A dress and heels can do a lot for a woman’s self esteem. Ladies, if you haven’t tried it DO! Be good to yourself! I was wearing a black Michael Kors dress and leopard print heels. Leopard is a neutral after all. It was a good hair day and my makeup was fabulous. I was looking good. My Starbucks baristas (or as I prefer to call them my elixir of life angels) even complimented me on my ensemble.
I arrive at work. The happy state that I was in ended.
There was a mile high stack of paperwork on my desk. My colleague was beating and cursing Bunny language at the printer. Because we all know I would have been yelling, “FUCK YOU, JUST WORK!” to the printer as well. My phone has been ringing since 6 am. Yes, 6 fucking am!!! But I had my breakfast, the elixir of life. Coffee counts as a food group, right? I’m in the zone. I’m getting shit done.
As I’m getting it all done, I realize there’s a smell in the room. I turn my nose up in the air, take a whiff. I’m thinking to myself, damn what is that smell? I get up walk around, it’s everywhere. I can’t pin point the fucker. Then I think oh shit, lift my arm and realize it… FUCKING HELL its me!
I run out to my car. It’s like my little mobile home. I’ve got back ups upon back ups in there. I pull out my spare deodorant stick. I pop back into the office. I’m applying deodorant as I talk to my colleague. Instead of lifting my dress, I just lift the neckline and put the deodorant on. I’m applying. Then the deodorant smears down my arm. It’s gooey, icky, it’s a MESS. Of course just my luck the deodorant fucking melted. Now melted deodorant has smeared out the sides of my armpit. Ugh! I run to the bathroom, grab a paper towel to try to pat it dry. I look at the paper towel and chunks of deodorant have come off, and are on the floor.
It looks like it’s fucking snowing indoors.
My colleague is laughing hysterically. It’s the break she needs from the printer that hates us. After all of this I realize something… I still have to do the other arm. Fuck my life. Okay, here I go.
The deodorant is completely flat. I just push up a tiny bit. Then start to apply gently. The fucker smears out everywhere again! I have to do the paper towel process all over again. Ugh. She’s laughing, again. But then suggests tossing the deodorant into the freezer to help it harden up.
I get back to work. A couple of hours later, I’m getting shit done again. I look down at my paper work there’s a strange grey sponge mark on all of my papers. It’s weird. I’ve got no idea why these marks are there. I lift my elbow, I noticed it’s wet. I noticed the mark matched my elbow. So, I unbutton the bottom of my quarter sleeve dress. Chunks of deodorant come running out. They had gathered at the bottom of my sleeve, staining the black dress to grey. FUCKING HELL I can’t get a fucking break!! I’ve got a slow avalanche of deodorant coming down my arm onto my desk. Michael Kors is not meant for moments like this.
I stand up, to clean up my sleeve. Then I look down on the floor, white snow is falling out of my dress. I’m my own fucking blizzard. My dress has white stains all over it! There’s nothing more I can do. It’s a sign. Time to pack up my shit and go home. After all during a blizzard everyone is stuck at their homes anyway.
Six am the next day, my boss texts me. He says, “Is there a reason why there’s deodorant in the freezer?”
Saying: Usually if I have a Blizzard in April it’s from Dairy Queen.