I had a great night out with my girls. We shared a few bottles of wine, ate dinner, and drank a few cocktails. I was feeling good. That happy tipsy feeling. I decided that I shouldn’t waste my happy tipsy feeling. I wanted to take that happiness and channel it. I texted a male acquaintance. I gave Siri the island address, and was on the way.
So Siri, my faithful Siri kinda got me lost. I gave up on island guy, too much effort to find his place. But then as I was on my way home a newbie who I had been chatting with responded to my text.
Basically he was my plan B. I was a Girl Scout, I’m always prepared. He said I could come over to his place. His house was closer than my own and after all I needed to be safe and not drive anymore.
It was for my own safety so of course I went to his place…
Siri guided me to the correct home. I guess she didn’t like the other guy. He greets me at my vehicle. I’m tossing stuff around looking for my bag, clothes, keys, and all the important stuff. We walk inside his home. He has a room mate but he informs me that he’s asleep and not to worry.
Oh, hold on I almost forgot.
Description of Youngin (that will be his name for the rest of the post): preppy southern boy, 5’9, average body, facial hair, wearing comfortable clothes and rainbow flip flops. His voice reminded me of a frat brother. It was a little annoying but I went with it.
First thing I notice are the fishing poles next to the fire place, all six of them. He was walking through each room turning on the lights then shutting them off. It made me think he couldn’t find his bedroom. Or either he was proving to me he wasn’t a serial killer and didn’t have a room covered with plastic. We finally got to his room, I went straight to the bathroom. It reminded me of a public beach bathroom, need I say more. His bedroom was tidy and organized.
I got into bed. He turned off the lights. We were on top of the comforter, but I felt a soft blanket. I grabbed it I was feeling a little chilly. We cuddled for a few minutes. Then he suddenly had multiple personalities. He would push and pull me around like a rag-doll. Then he said no lets just kiss. We went back and forth for a while, I couldn’t keep up with his moods. It was like whiplash then calm. When we kissed, well let’s just say I wasn’t a fan of his kissing style. He needs to rethink it.
At this point I honestly just want to sleep. The alcohol hit me, and I was so tired. I rolled over. I thought he got the hint. In the morning I’d be good to go for a little action. But right now I just need a cuddle and sleep. Next thing I know he tells me he’s going to make me MORE comfortable. I’m thinking back rub, foot rub, extra pillow perhaps. No, before I’m really aware because me reflexes are a little sluggish. He’s removed my thong and threw it across the room. I swear I saw my thong flying away from me in slow motion. It’s going, going, and gone. Being thong less DID NOT make me more comfortable.
He then said lets cuddle…
Yea right. He took off his boxers. There’s only one thing on his mind. This bunny didn’t just start hopping yesterday. I’ve hopped around the block more than Youngin has. He needs to work on his technique. Youngin flipped me onto my back, and starts rubbing away at my hood. I don’t know who taught him where to rub and how to get things started down there. But it doesn’t need to be rubbed like sandpaper. It’s a delicate flower and if he wanted it to rain so to speak, it wasn’t happening. Because he was crushing the delicate petals.
He’s now trying to get me to touch his package. At this point I’m no longer in the mood and I just WANT to go to sleep. He didn’t seem to understand the term SLEEP. He’s rubbing my back and then asks, “Are you clean?” I thought to myself if I prolong the answer long enough maybe it’ll make him nervous and I’ll finally get to go to sleep. So, I’m “thinking”. He then asks, “When was the last time you were tested?” I continue to “think” some more. Youngin gets tired of waiting for my “thinking” process and says, “I’ll grab a condom.” I thought to myself DAMN, there goes my sleep.
He grabs a condom. I’ve fallen asleep while he was grabbing the condom. I’m woken up to him having fun. I’m trying to help myself, so I can enjoy the moment as well. I move my hands down there to check on everything and I notice that he’s NOT wearing a condom.
He makes a comment amount me playing with myself. I told him right now it’s like a desert down there. I need ALL the help I can get. This is when he decides to offer lube. Can we say a little late now? But he goes to grab it. He applies it to himself, then we get back to it. I swear I felt like I was on FIRE. I’m pretty positive he used heat activated lube. I had NEVER used it before. I thought my baby making parts were burning up!
I could tell he was close. He tells me he’s about to cum. Then asks if I’m on birth control…
He’s going at it and tells me he’s going to come inside me. I scream out FUCK NO! YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT! Youngin asks where I would prefer?
Inner monologue moment: where would I prefer? WHAT THE FUCK! I’d prefer if you came on the sheet, comforter, pillow, boxers, or floor. So many options. Basically any place other than on me.
I’m expecting him to use one of those options. Next thing I know he rearing up, jerking, and coming all over my stomach.
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! UGH…. IT’S ALL OVER ME. ECK, ECK! (refer to wetter)
He uses a shirt to wipe it off. Ugh!! While he’s in the bathroom I decide “cuddling” isn’t worth this shit. I start searching for my clothes in the dark. He comes back in with a worried expression on his face. He asks what I’m doing, he says to get back into the bed. I tell him that I just want to go home. He turns on the lights. I yell, “TURN OFF THE FUCKING LIGHTS!” During the brief moment the lights were on I saw where my thong was. I shove my thong and bra into my bag, put on my top and skirt, grab my bag, phone, and keys then head to the door.
Youngin is following me, asking me to stay. His reasoning is that I’m still drunk, so it wouldn’t be safe. I tell him I’d rather drive home slightly drunk than stay here with him. I walk out barefoot with my wedges in hand. He walks behind me to my my car.
Youngin in boxers only stood on the sidewalk while I drove away.
Quote: Cuddle isn’t code for “Let’s Fuck”