No, that stain won’t come out

This escapade is about a local gentleman.

Yep, that’s right a local and to boot I met him while I was out and about one night with my girls. But I had also seen him around downtown before. He always had one item with him whenever I saw him. That item is a red solo cup. So, for the rest of this post I shall name him, red cup.

Description: 5’10, short dark hair, average build, nice smile, typical southern wardrobe, in real estate, and very sociable.

Red cup contacted me thru Facebook. He had an event coming up, and asked me if I would like to go with him.

Sidenote: To all of my beloved male readers, this note is for you. PLEASE I beg you, don’t ask a woman out via Facebook. Or any other form of social media! Your parents taught you better than that. Ask her out in person, get a phone number, at least call or text. Asking a woman out via Facebook is just plain lazy and a bit tacky. Start off on a good note. We women still like a few of the classics.

I said yes. I met him at his home. He gave me a tour of his house and offered me a drink. We walked around and chatted. We were waiting for his friends, a married couple who were going with us. They arrived, we all got in a cab and headed downtown.

Dinner was at local French bistro that has some historical significance to the area. The restaurant while they were remodeling found bones in the wall?! That’s right BONES! The food was good, a bit pricey. But we all enjoyed it. While we were eating I noticed he constantly had a drink in his hand. He was guzzling alcohol.

We walked to our next location. Red cup is starting to get a little loud at this point. But I go with it. The club we go to, is in a basement. It’s got a Morrocan vibe. The color palette were oranges, browns, coppers with small nooks and jewel toned chandeliers. We take a few pictures. Red cup goes off to mingle. I chat with his friends. I also see a few people I know.

I was chatting with a male friend when suddenly red cup is right next to me. He asked if I was okay? I thought it was nice of him to check on me. I then began to realize as the evening went on that if I talked to any male other than him he was automatically next to me. He had that possessive look on his face. This I DID NOT appreciate. When I went to the bathroom. He followed me! I told him I was fine. He said he was just protecting me and wanted to make sure I was okay. Exactly who was he planning on protecting me from in the bathroom? The big bad sink? Oh no no, much worse the big bad toilet.

Give me a fucking break.

I went to the bar to get a water. In order to get the water I of course had to speak to the male bartender. Ugh, here we go again red cup is right behind me. He then asks me, “You do know you’re my date, right?” I told him yes, I’m just getting a water. Which I proceed to show him in my hand.  Times you wish you had your own set of bridesmaids/friends ready at the slightest whim or with code words (refer to code blue) to save me.

The night is winding down.

He’s completely plastered. I honestly can’t believe he’s still standing. Now he’s obnoxiously loud. I just want to get out of there. The taxi that comes up is for another group of people. But it’s a van, so all of us agree to share. I need space from red cup. I’ve been giving him the silent treatment since we left the club. So, I sit up front. Red cup and his friends sit in the very back. The group of people sit in the middle.

I’m chatting with the driver and ignoring him. Red cup starts yelling. His friends are trying to shush him. But it’s not working because he’s so loud and belligerent.

Red cup then says, “I’M SO SORRY! I’M NORMALLY A NICE GUY! I WAS JUST REALLY NERVOUS! I’M REALLY SORRY I SPILLED MY DRINK ON YOU! I’M SURE IT WON’T STAIN! I’M SORRY IF I WAS CONTROLLING! I REALLY LIKE YOUR MALE FRIENDS! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME? I’M SORRY!”

Inner monologue moment: Am I listening to you? Am I listening to you? Really? Everyone in downtown could hear this jackass yelling at the top of his lungs! I felt sorry for myself and everyone else in the cab. I’m grateful our eardrums didn’t burst. He’s such a FUCKING IDIOT. I’m sure it won’t stain!?! HOW THE FUCK would he know? Idiot, I’m wearing a FUCKING satin dress! YES, that SHIT WILL FUCKING STAIN! To top off the evening you ruined my dress. While you’re back there yelling, why don’t you yell that you’ll handle the dry cleaning. But I don’t even think they can save it.

FUCKING DRUNK DRESS RUINER!!

He gets fed up with me not listening. All I hear is, FUCK IT! Then it’s total chaos in the van. He starts to crawl over the seat. His friends try to stop him. They are yelling STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD!! Well, it’s obviously too late for that. I look back and he’s crawling over the people whom we are sharing the cab with. The people we don’t know, who just want to get home. The guy yells out,“Get off my girlfriend! Don’t touch her!” As he basically falls into this poor woman’s lap. This will be an evening they will NEVER forget. He stretches out and reaches for my arm. The taxi driver looks at me. I tell him to just keep driving.

We FINALLY arrive at red cup’s house. Thank goodness! I tell his friends goodbye. Red cup is staring at me. He then tries to convince me to stay. Because he says I drank a lot. I drank a lot huh!?! I inform him that I’ve been drinking water, I’m fine. I tell him NOT to call me, I’ll call him.

I’m in my car now. YES! FREEDOM! Now I can get the hell out of here. I’m driving away, I look back to see he’s standing in the middle of the fucking street. What an idiot! I put my foot down on the accelerator and go. I probably left tire marks on the road.

Quote: Some people think they are, champagne in a TALL glass. When in fact they’re lukewarm piss in a RED cup.

©southerngabunny