Weekend forecast, camping with a chance of drinking 

This escapade doesn’t begin with a dating website. I know, take a moment NO Match, Tinder, POF, etc.

Don’t worry I promise it’s still a goodie. It involves one of my faves. Men that wear black leather, denim, have a tendency to like large pieces of silver jewelry with skulls, and most importantly tattoos. Yep, those men who many people think are BAD, but are really just BIG teddy bears. Y’all know who I’m talking about. But you know I’ve gotta say it.  I do LOVE a biker.

My girlfriend and I were traveling thru Hanging Rock, NC. We were on our way to Tennessee to meet some friends to go camping. Yes, that’s right CAMPING. I enjoy nature along with a good bottle of red.

We are LOST in the middle of North Carolina. In the middle of NO WHERE, Siri decided to DIE!! She LEFT US! That inconsiderate hoe!

We have no signal. So we have to ask for directions. We end up turning down one of the many dirt roads… I hear the twang of a banjo playing in my head. Deliverance anyone? I need to point out that my girlfriend is African American at this point. So as we are going further and further behind God’s back she is getting nervous. SHIT, I’m nervous. We are FUCKED!

Ten minutes later, but it seemed like an hour the dirt road ends. We see a large open field, with a slightly dilapidated ranch style house, a few small buildings behind it, and a big bonfire. Besides the vehicle of choice here in the south, aka truck. There were several bikes and I’m not talking bikes like a three year old drives. I mean serious wheels.

I’m about to exit the vehicle when she grabs my arm. My girlfriend tells me there’s NO WAY she’s getting out of the car. She informs me, she’s pretty positive that they hang more than rocks around here.

So I go alone inside to ask for directions.

I’m not exactly dressed for a biker bar. I’m a city girl. So, I’m dressed in city girl clothing. My ensemble is as follows: white skinny jeans, bright bubblegum pink peplum top, open toe tan wedges, with silver accessorizes. I’m screaming I’m lost, it’s that or I’m screaming breast cancer awareness.

Side note: SAVE THE TATAS!!

I see people outside of the house, I smile at them and walk right into the house. I close the screen door behind me, I notice it’s a bar not a house. There’s a long bar towards the back, round tables with mismatched chairs, dark, smells of cigarette smoke (second hand smoke, my poor lungs!), loud rock music is playing thru an old speaker, and people are seated everywhere.

Every eye in the room is on me. 

I step up to the bar, the bartender gives me the once over. He looks a little confused. But he asks me, “are you lost?” I’m already in the lions den. I might as well go with it. I sit down on the bar stool, trying to act calm and collected. 

Like I meant to end up in a bar in the middle of nowhere, where they could bury my body and no one would find me. I ask the bartender for a cider and tell him directions would be great too. He grabs my cider. I pull my hot pink koozie out of my purse. He takes a look at it and smiles.

My koozie says, OH MY GOD if I was a mosquito and I DRANK from me I would be SOOO DRUCK right now. There was also a picture of a lil mosquito on it too…

I’m drinking my cider and taking in my surroundings. It’s quite clean. I noticed right away there is a large mountain man in cuts walking towards me. He’s weathered and has the bad boy look about him. Mountain man is staring at me. I get fed up and ask, “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?” Yes, this bunny has claws. 

I’m a special type of bunny.

He looks me a up and down then busts out laughing. He tells me that he heard I needed directions and that he’s happy to help. A gentleman, FINALLY. I explain where I’m going, how Siri being a BITCH, and my girlfriend is in the car.

Next thing I know it’s an hour later, WHOOPS.

Then suddenly the screen door SLAMS open. A five foot tall black woman comes stomping in. After that entrance, she yells out to the bar, “WHERE THE HELL ARE Y’ALL HOLDING BUNNY?”

I excuse myself quickly and go over to calm her down, she looks ready to rip any man in her way to shreds. I’m afraid for any bikers safety at this point. I tell her to calm down, come in, sit at the bar, have a drink, and I’ve made friends! She looks at me like I’ve lost my marbles. Says “what the FUCK Bunny” and walks over to the mountain man. She starts to poke him in the chest and tell him off. Saying he better be a gentleman or else!

We end up staying another hour. Mountain man gave us excellent directions. We were back on track in no time.

Lesson learned, don’t always judge a book by its cover.