I got 99 problems but a towel set ain’t one

I was out for an evening of frivolity with my girlfriend and FOMG (refer to alcohol) downtown. FOMG and I just left a social popular bar – it was DEAD. FOMG decided that she wanted to leave. She then told me I should choose where we would go to next.

I asked her, any place? Any restrictions? She said no it was all me.

So I decided on the biker bar next door. Hot, muscle-y, bearded, leather vest wearing men… Yep good decision on my part. The bar had quite a few bikes parked outside. A few of the guys were outside smoking.

FOMG was a little skiddish. We walked thru the good looking men. The bar was filled with bikers in groups. A group at each end of the bar. The center of the bar held the only empty seats. So, I sat my behind down in the center right next to one of the bikers. The seat was free. There’s no sign that says bikers only after all.

FOMG is looking panicked at this point. She went to the bathroom. Before she left she told me that I should strongly reconsider my bar choice.

I grabbed the bartender’s attention and ordered a drink. I kind of eaves dropped on the biker conversation next to me. They finished chatting. The biker next to me turned and was focused on the sporting event on the television. I figured this was prime time to strike up conversation. Or at least ask a question or two. In that slightly seductive tone of voice. Yes, I used the subtly sexy voice. It works on men everywhere.

Bikers are not immune.

The question I asked: Could you tell me a little about your vest? I noticed that you and a few of the other guys are wearing them. There are a few items on it that has piqued my curiosity. If you don’t mind explaining it to little ole me.

By the way, I already knew quite a bit of information about his MC. But it was the best way for me to get him to start talking.

It was just a little white lie.

He smirked, and told me he’d be happy to answer my questions. He told me about his tattoos. He had them from his hands all the way up to his arms. The large masculine rings on his hands were covering a few. He rolled up his sleeves and explained the tattoos on his very nice arms. A few of his friends needed to chat with him.

I took this opportunity to check on FOMG.

She informs me that she’s heard NOT so wonderful things about the MC that he belongs to. She doesn’t want to stay and she doesn’t feel safe. Then informs me she’s leaving with or without me. I told her she’ll be leaving without me. She leaves. I bring my focus back to biker. He seemed a little bored when we started conversation again.

I thought to myself what’s interesting/engaging conversation? My escapades, but of course! My blog is fun to chat about. At least men certainly seem to be entertained by my stories. I know, shocker huh.

I give him a general overview. He is VERY interested. I’m chatting about it. I casually mention my birthday is coming up soon. My girlfriend shows up. She is a social butterfly and gets along with everyone. She wants to see his tattoos, ride his bike, talk to everyone, etc. We are all now talking together.

My girlfriend then informs him that he’ll be escorting both of us to our vehicles. No, she did not ask. She informed him of this information. I’ll give him credit, he didn’t flinch. He said he would walk us both to our vehicles. He walks us. We don’t exchange numbers. I just figure I’ll see him out and about downtown sometime. He did mention that he was at the bar most Fridays and Saturdays.

Monday rolls around. It’s my birthday, it’s a great day. I check my Facebook. People are telling me Happy Birthday. Someone sent me a private message that said Happy Birthday from your new biker friend. He searched for my first name in the local area. Then looked thru all of the photos to find me. Okay, I’ll admit that’s a little stalker-esqe. But at the time I thought it was sweet.

Fast forward three months into the future. We have been chatting pretty much everyday. I went to the bar on Fridays and Saturdays to hang out with him. No sex happened during these three months. There were sparks and we certainly had a little fun. My girls even met him.

They ALL liked my biker.

He told me he had a week off coming up. He had his son for part of the week. But he wanted to spend some quality time with me. Like in his house quality time. So, I told him that it was a busy week for me. My bosses were in town. I was going to be CRAZY BUSY and STRESSED.

It ended up being the week from HELL. I unknowingly ingested gluten for lunch. The restaurant did not pay attention to the gluten allergy note on my order. I didn’t have an EpiPen. So, I had to go and visit the ER and they pumped me full of drugs. This meant NO driving. One of my girlfriends picked me up at the hospital.

It was just a SHIT week. I told him about the gluten attack the next day. He was upset that I didn’t tell him earlier. I told him the meds knocked me out. One of my friends picked me up so I was okay. He told me that I needed to take a break. I should come over to his house for the break. Then he told me proudly that he bought me my very own towel set…

Yep, that’s right my own towel set.

I just want to ask everyone, a fucking towel set? A towel set? If that doesn’t scream I want to fuck you in my domain I don’t know what does. It was a little disconcerting. I felt like asking did you at least get me the good Egyptian cotton? Towels that scratch equal NO BANG BANG! Anyway the I purchased you a towel set like he was Martha freaking Stewart preparing for a long term guest was problematic.

Friday rolls around. He still wants me to come over. I told him that I had plans with the girls. But after I finished up with the girls I would come over. But of course after MANY glasses of red wine my phone died. I fell asleep at my girlfriends house.

Next morning I’m in my car, charging my phone on the way home. I had a ton of missed texts. He couldn’t believe that no one had a charger that would fit my phone. He basically thought I was blowing him off. I told him that I didn’t ignore him. I explained the events as they happened. I still wanted to meet up. It was just that my SHITTY week was still going STRONG unfortunately.

I told him I needed to do a little bit of shopping. The outlets where I was going to be shopping was in his area. I told him to come to the outlets with your son and meet me so we can hang out. He said that I should just come over to his place after shopping. At this point the pressure was TOO much. I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable spending a few days at his house. I needed to know him a little better before I’d feel comfortable temporarily co-habitating.

His response is not a happy one. He wants to know why, and he’s confused. I’ve led him on. Then he said I had nothing to worry about about. She wouldn’t be back til next week.

Inner monologue moment: Did he just say SHE?? SHE won’t be back til next week? WHAT THE FUCK? Actually, just FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. Are you shitting me? Who the FUCK is SHE? This can not be happening. My week just got so much worse then I imagined.

The towel set was a bad omen.

Stunned silence. I start to think back so many things make sense now. We never talked during the day, only met at the bar, he never spoke about certain parts of his personal life. Yes, I know RED flags but I was infatuated. I blame it on the red wine.

He apparently has a live in girlfriend. She’s the mother of HIS child! OH MY FUCKING SWEET BABY JESUS!

Needless to say I stopped speaking to him. Being friends is okay but I’m not a home wrecker. Two weeks later, he sent me a message via Facebook. Just asking how I was? He was telling me about his new job. Chatting like we were buddies.

Next time I got on Facebook, he was no where to be seen. Either he blocked me or deleted his profile.

Anonymous saying: “I saw you have a motorcycle and tattoos… Excuse me while I take my clothes off!!!”
©southerngabunny